🍔 Trump vs. Elon: Grumpy Old Men, Billionaire Edition
In this week’s episode of The Apprentice: Twitter Cage Match, Donald Trump and Elon Musk are sparring like two alpha roosters in a Tesla dealership. Trump’s been throwing shade, Musk’s been subtweeting, and honestly, it’s like watching two egos try to out-ego each other in a room with no windows and too many mirrors.
Musk implied Trump was past his prime. Trump fired back, calling Elon a “weird rocket boy.” Somewhere in the background, Ron DeSantis quietly picked up a campaign flyer and sighed. Again.
Meanwhile, America is torn between building rockets to Mars and building a legal defense fund.
🏀 Caitlin Clark vs. Angel Reese: WNBA Drama With a Side of Swagger
Caitlin Clark, America’s golden girl of threes, and Angel Reese, the self-proclaimed Bayou Barbie, are giving the WNBA a plotline. Clark’s been body-checked, snubbed, and side-eyed—but she keeps draining jumpers and showing up to press conferences like it’s her full-time job.
Reese, meanwhile, is serving confidence with a capital C, making it clear she’s not here to coddle anyone’s narrative. The internet is debating: Is it about race? Is it about fame? Is it about… defense?
One thing’s for sure: these women are making people watch women’s basketball like it’s a Netflix docuseries—and that’s a win for the league.
🌎 Quick Bites of National & World News
- Economy: Inflation’s cooling, but not enough to cool your rent. Thanks, Jerome.
- Supreme Court: Everyone’s anxiously waiting on major rulings, while the justices themselves probably haven’t opened their group chat since February.
- AI Regulation: Congress is still trying to figure out if ChatGPT is a tool, a threat, or an intern that never sleeps.
- Ukraine-Russia: The war drags on, with Ukraine getting more drones and Russia getting more sanctions. Peace talks remain as mythical as Bigfoot.
- Israel-Gaza: The region simmers under uneasy ceasefires while world leaders keep “strongly condemning” things on X (formerly Twitter, formerly fun).
- China-Taiwan: Naval exercises continue, and tensions rise. Diplomats are sweating. TikTok dances persist.
- Climate: It’s hot. Canada’s on fire again. Somewhere, a billionaire is talking about how planting algae will fix it.